In this series, we’ve covered the topics that I’ve learned are of central importance to having a business that we enjoy, which serves others and provides value and doesn’t consume us in the process.

Mindset and Success

You must master your mindset. This isn’t a one-and-done. If only… But being aware, realizing what’s going on and equipping yourself will go a long way in setting you up for success.

Stay True To Yourself

No matter how tempting it is to follow the crowd, they’ll likely only lead you off a cliff or to a dead-end. Because that’s not YOUR path. When you find yourself veering off your path, and you will, just observe, get curious as to why, and correct. No judgement, just learning.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

It can be so easy to look at those who have gone before us and think 1) it happened so easy for them (it didn’t!) and 2) they did it by themselves. One of the hardest things for women is to ask for help.

You need a team to support you in your business.

Think of it this way – by asking for help in an area, you are allowing someone else to use their zone of genius and shine. It’s a win-win for both of you. (I’m speaking to myself here too, as this is a huge growth area for me!)

How To Win The Battle of FOMO vs TMI

I don’t know about you, but I see TONS of people and ads offering freebies that will be ‘the answer’ to any and all ‘problems’ in my business. You know what I’m talking about. The ad which proclaims 6-figures in 6 days. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but not that much.

I get tempted, more often than I care to admit. And before I know it, my email inbox has blown up. I try to keep up for a while. Then I feel bad about not reading everything that’s coming in. And I feel like I’m going to miss THAT ONE THING that’s going to be the magic fairy dust and all of a sudden make me 6-figures a day (another joy of the connection between mindset and success). Ok, a bit much. I’ve fallen into the trap of Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). That if I don’t consume every bit of content in my world, my business will fail. If I don’t follow all of the big names in the industry, I’ll never keep up, and get left behind.

I’ve now transitioned from FOMO to Too Much Information (TMI). I can’t take it anymore and I know to survive I need to unsubscribe like a madwoman. I’m afraid, but take the step to unsubscribe from the first series.

My world doesn’t end, so I boldly unsubscribe from a few more. Less email, a bit of breathing room and something happens. I’m not spending as much time reading email and I’m actually focusing on things in my business that make a real difference.

Without the FOMO, I’m beginning to trust myself again to make the best choices for ME. There’s a balance to strike between FOMO and TMI. You have to find that sweet spot for yourself. For me, I choose a few people at a time to ‘follow’ and forget the rest, for now. Depending on where my business is at, and what I need at the time, I choose for different reasons.

Bottom line, I’m now back in the driver’s seat of what works best for me. But it can be a crazy ride at times until I get there.

‘Til next time,

xo Sue

Join the Courageous Chicks Facebook Group for inspiration, encouragement and support.

With the foundation of the previous blog post in mind, really being grounded in who you are, it’s now time to look outward and explore how to find a mentor.

Who Do You Serve?

First, let’s talk about who you serve.

No matter what you do, who you are, or what you offer, someone needs it. Believe that.

For the longest time, I really downplayed my planning and organization skills in my business as an offering. Which is mind boggling when I think of it now!

In my professional career as an IT Project Manager, companies paid several hundreds of dollars an hour for my skill set. But I thought when I started my coaching business, that I had to coach like other people did or told me I should.

It wasn’t until one of my business coaches told me that I can design my offerings exactly as I want to that the light bulb went on. Once that happened, I really got jazzed about serving those who need what I have to offer.

On a recent mastermind call one of my sister members told me to go back and watch the video of our meeting later and see how I talked about my offerings. She said I needed to pay attention to how I lit up when I talked about my membership, and not so much my other offering. Sometimes it takes others to reflect back to us, maybe what we know in our gut, but for some reason we’re fearful to be bold, speak it, forge ahead and really go for it.

Those lessons stay with me and support me as the voices in my head do their thing occasionally. They bring me back to me and why I’m doing what I do. And how much I love it!

Who’s On Your Team?

Speaking of support, it is critical to be part of something where you are not alone.

First, find a group, free or paid, where you can ask questions, see what others are doing, and build relationships. This is another strategy to combat those voices in your head that tell untruths. Keep searching until you find one that fits you. Then make it work for you.

Participate and pay it forward as well. There’s not much that feels better than seeing someone who needs to support and who might not be as far along as you, and helping them.

The second strategy that’s just as critical, is get a business coach. Knowing how to find a mentor is easier said than done.

What I suggest you consider is someone who has at least a few years more than you in the business. Think about the two or three areas in your business where you don’t have the skills or knowledge and which you need some big picture direction. They can support you with business guidance but also mindset and accountability. You’ll never find the coach who has it all. So look for someone you can build that relationship with over time…you may be working with them for quite a while.

This doesn’t have to be your only coach. There are coaches with specific skills that you may hire for a one time initiative. Be careful not to coach hop, but settle on the one who is right for you based on these steps of how to find a mentor, right now.

Up Next: How to Win the Battle of FOMO vs. TMI

‘Til next time,

xo Sue

Join the Courageous Chicks Facebook Group for inspiration, encouragement and support.

Who are you? I mean, who are YOU?

What makes you tick? What do you love doing? That one thing you do really well that you could do all day, every day, for-ev-er? Are you staying trie to yourself, really?

So much we hear that we need to focus on improving our weaknesses. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should ignore them. But what if we really focused on our strengths, owned them and prioritized developing those and really staying true to yourself?

I absolutely love to plan and organize, and really enjoy seeing plans come together that deliver results. I never viewed this skill and ability as anything special, it’s just who I am, and I really, really, really enjoy doing it!

Somehow I’d always figured other people could do this as well. Shonda Rhimes calls this feeling ‘the hum’. That sensation you get when you’re doing that thing you love, you’re good and and you’d do it 24×7.

Planning is my jam and my ‘hum’.

As I began my business, I was feeling my way through it. I didn’t have a strategic vision, and wasn’t sure where to focus. It never even occurred to me to offer my planning services to others, that they’d pay for that. In my professional career, sure, companies paid over $300 per hour for my level of expertise.

In the beginning, I followed the crowd. I created in person workshops to teach others about mindset and genius zone. I signed up for programs to teach me how to develop my coaching business. It appeared that was the path that others took, so I headed down that road too. It wasn’t until I heard one of my coaches say that I get to define my coaching business the way I want, that a light bulb went on for me.

Something I could do that would be me, AND serve others!  

Many women said they needed structure, planning, organization and once I decided that’s the form my coaching business would take, I got really excited. Because I got to do what I really enjoy and that will always come through to your clients.

You have unique and special gifts that only you can offer the world. There are people who NEED what only you have to offer.  Don’t deny them or yourself the beauty of those gifts. Or the joy in providing them.

Staying true to yourself will be what sustains you in your business and life.

Up next: Surround Yourself With The Support You Need

How many things in your day do you do on automatic? How many choices are intentional? When I’m on a roll, my speed is lightning fast. Whether I’m in the kitchen cooking, or at work creating spreadsheets. If I have a path to follow, I sprint at top speed. I’ve always been recognized and rewarded in my career for being a ‘workhorse’. But to me, it’s just how I’m built. Going fast fuels my creativity. As Shonda Rhimes talks about in her TED Talk, it’s ‘the hum.’ I feel like I’m expressing my best self when I feel ‘the hum’.

A couple of months ago, I travelled to see my oldest daughter. I packed all of my electronics, including my wireless keyboard. I arrived and set up my workspace. I type a lot, so my words per minute is high. During my proofreading, I noticed a pattern. A couple of keys on the keyboard now needed a bit of extra pressure to work. Ok, so it didn’t travel well. I guess what can you expect for twenty bucks? However, it didn’t take long for those keys to return to normal. I no longer needed to pay as much attention to that specific issue.

A couple of months later, for some odd reason, the letter ‘P’ began needing a bit more pressure. What? It took me by surprise. Why is that happening now? I’ve been back and using the letter ‘P’ regularly. I figured it was temporary so didn’t pay much attention. But it kept happening. Like, all the time! Well, now I’m going to have to slow my typing and pay attention to words with the letter ‘P’ so I can give it the extra nudge it needs.

If I Slow Down, Am I Going To Lose My ‘Hum’?

When I’m speeding down the path, I don’t like to stop, or even slow down. I’m the person who wants to get to the end and will go without breaks. I love results. After all, that was my career as a project manager for decades. I delivered results. It was highly satisfying.

I could no longer ignore the letter ‘P’ issue. It had gone on long enough that it caused me to change my typing behavior. Surprisingly, I began to notice some subtle changes in other areas of my life where I found myself slowing my pace, just a bit. And taking more breaks to rest.

I know this isn’t a new concept, but for me, it was a new behavior. I was always of the mindset that taking a break would jar my momentum so much that I’d lose it. And brought up by parents with a phenomenal work ethic, when I took a break, I felt like a slacker.

I Found More ‘Hum’

But instead of seeing less progress, I saw more, after that behavior change. My husband, for a very long time, has always encouraged breaks and rest for me. And my response was always, ‘And do what? I don’t know how to do that.’ I felt like I had to be productive every waking second.

Recently, I traveled on a Wednesday to Seattle to accompany family members for medical appointments. It took the entire day during which I did no work. Normally on Thursday and Friday my energy for the week starts to wane. Even though the trip takes a ton of energy, that week I had more focus and staying power the following two days than I had in a long time. That break away from work renewed me.

Rest Is Strategic

Now I get it. Rest is a strategic move and an investment in my productive future. Looking at it differently has really made me a believer. I’m getting better, but I’m still going to go at the speed of Sue.

I didn’t know how to take breaks and rest. Thanks to the letter ‘ ‘, I mean the letter ‘P’, I now do. Yes, I told my hubby he was right.

How many things in your life are on automatic? How much of your life is intentional? How can you incorporate rest into your life.

‘Til next time,
xo Sue

Join the Courageous Chicks Facebook Group for inspiration, encouragement and support.

Why didn’t anyone tell me how horrible it can be to be an empty nester?

Nobody I know ever talked about the downside. It’s supposed to be a celebratory, euphoric freedom fest, right? That’s what I heard. That’s what society told me…

Looking back, I now see that the empty nester feelings started for me even before our daughters had left home. They were teenagers. Much more independent and a bit less interested in mom-time. My days of chauffeuring to/from all activities were officially over. I had less and less time with them every day.

Don’t get me wrong, we had, and continue to have, great relationships. We did a lot together. My mind never leaped ahead to the time they would move out. I enjoyed every stage of their lives at home.

Being a mom was my greatest joy. I loved spending my time doing what our daughters needed. Other than reading mystery novels, I had no hobbies. I’m a homebody so I really had no social life either. But that was ok by me. My daughters were my joy.

When our daughters left for college, three years apart, it was an incredibly exciting time. But now I had even more time on my hands. I was really lost.

I’m an Empty Nester, Now What?

I’d been a mom with kids home for a total of 21 years. I didn’t know what to do with my time. I had lots of ideas of hobbies, but I felt paralyzed to choose. None of them seemed like they’d give me joy anywhere near what I had when the girls were home. I considered many volunteer opportunities to work with kids but couldn’t decide – I didn’t want to make the ‘wrong’ choice. What if I signed up to be a Big Sister for a year and that wasn’t for me? I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

I would literally walk around the house and ask my husband, ‘What is my purpose? What am I supposed to be doing?’ Lovingly he would guide, advise, and support me. But the answer didn’t appear. I was struggling to find my identify, apart from being a mom.

I titled this blog Reviving Ophelia’s Mom because like the subject in Mary Pipher’s book, ‘Reviving Ophelia – Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls’, I feel like like my empty nester feelings generally parallel Mary’s description of the girls in the book.

She describes the girls as ‘playing a role, knowing how to act’ before adolescence hit. That was exactly me as a mom. I played that role, loved it, and I knew just how to act. Then, change happened and I felt completely lost.

Finding Your Purpose

I see that it took me about 10 years to finally start to find myself after I first experienced the empty nest feelings. To establish a new identify and rediscover joy in my life.

I’m sharing my story to let other moms know before they disappear in the Bermuda Triangle of empty nester, that they can navigate the choppy waters and avoid or at least go in eyes wide open. I believe by sharing our stories, we connect as human beings. We need to own our story as that’s what makes us special and unique and able to provide the world a solution.

My focus now is on creating my legacy. Part of that is creating a community of women who want to do the same, because I believe now more than ever, women need to step into our power and purpose. We must join together to solve today’s seemingly unsolvable social problems. That’s why I’ve created the Courageous Chicks Community. To inspire, encourage and support women as we go for our dreams.

My ultimate vision is to create a worldwide program for high school girls that will teach them about mindset, confidence, entrepreneurship, speaking, failure etc. At the end of the program they will have the skills to more confidently step into the world to fully live their purpose with the greatest possible joy. My goal is for them to learn resilience, empowerment and see options and possibilities for their lives.

If you are an empty nest mom, know that you are not alone in your feelings. And if you feel lost, you will find yourself.

What legacy do you want to leave? What’s YOUR purpose?

‘Til next time,
xo Sue